...Do you also have an innate desire to be one with someone...

Okay so this post may make me blush in days to come but I am going to be brave and talk about the things that so often people ignore or pretend are not there. Here goes:

I have never in my life had such a desire to get married and be in a relationship. I have every reason NOT to want to get into a relationship. I know I am going to find it so difficult to trust a man until he says 'i do' and until he has proven himself to me in a million ways. It's going to be quite a feat for him to win my heart;) What I've been saying to God is " show me that there is such a man ". While quite defensive and stubborn in my approach to God about my idea's on men in general, He really has been showing me faithful faithful men and guy friends.

One of my guy friends took me for coffee the other day and he thanked the waitress as she gave me my cafe latte by saying something like " look you made her smile". This is such a great quality that I would like my future husband to have, a deep desire to see me smile.

I'm not lonely I sometimes just feel so alone. There are so many things that I want to do in my life and I know I am not going to be able to do them without the love and support of a husband. I really believe that life was meant to be shared. These past two weeks I have gone home to be with my mom and it has been so great to share everyday experiences with someone. Now I am back in PE and this longing has arisen too.

I do believe that there are great men, I do see men that are rising up in such a supportive and gentle way but I deeply desire to be in a relationship. One where I can love and be loved. At the end of the day, life is ALL about love and I want to start mine by loving someone.

Do you ever get tired of buying flowers for yourself, dressing up for yourself, spending time only with girls, going to movies alone, sighing at every romance longing for your turn, supporting everyone else's relationships, giving advice to others approaching marriage, reading up about marriage, seeing on facebook everyone going into a relationships? I most certainly do. I must say I enjoy my own company! I enjoy watching movies alone. I enjoy adventuring around with no goal in mind. I enjoy finding new challenges. I enjoy walking alone. But sometimes , just sometimes, I get tired of it. This is that season.

I want to fall in love. I want to be one in thought with someone. I want to have one goal with someone. I want to make Jesus my number one with someone. I want to adventure with someone. I want to have the privelage of fighting with someone and fighting for someone. I want to laugh with someone and to know that I am special to them. I want to meet my someone now.

So no I don't have a solution to this desire. No one really can give me the solution either. Sometimes its good just to be frank with yourself and call a spade a spade. This is who I am and this is where I am at. Love my post or not, that's okay.