I am a conqueror

Lets start at the beginning of my life, I was daddy's girl. I adored my dad. I came into this life with my twin brother, Roy, who scrummed his way through. According to the doctor I was supposed to come out first. Needless to say Roy went on to play superb school rugby and played for the Sharks u21 team and still enjoys his rugby.

From babies, my twin would opt for my mom and I would opt and cry from my dad. My dad has a soft spot for girls. So it worked well for all of us. It all was going well until my dad and mom divorced, this was when we were 4 years old. My dad whom I had depended on had left. I was left feeling abandoned and blamed myself for the divorce. From there on I was mad at men and God. I made an inner vow to myself that I would never trust men again.

About ten years later I was sleeping over at a friends house and I was sexually abused. This left me feeling dirty. Somehow Satan convinced me to blame myself and I became even more distant to men. These two experiences left me feeling worthless and with the help of Satan whispering lies to me, I developed a poor self image, lacking confidence.

Fortunately I met Jesus. He was different to what I thought he was. I thought he was always trying to push himself onto me and that he was angry at me for something I had done. However he wasn't all these things that I thought he was. He was loving and ever so gentle. Gentleness is an important thing for me. I would like to model myself on Jesus' gentleness.

In my twenties I met the man of my dreams. It felt surreal. He was logical AND creative. I didn't know that love could be so real and felt extremely blessed. There were times when I honestly felt like the happiest girl in the world. We had discussed getting married and were making plans until out of the blue we broke up. Consequentially my trust in men took a knock. I didn't know how I would ever trust a man again considering the future that been discussed and planned.

By God's grace and healing power I don't fear commitment, I don't fear telling people that I love them. I am no longer angry at men or God. I look forward to trusting a man again. I look forward to getting married. I look forward to trusting God even when there are no answers, when life is full of turmoil and trouble.

I thank God for all that He has taken me through this messy and mismatch life. Today I especially thank Him for trouble and trials because they have made me a conqueror. I look forward with confidence (and developing that confidence)that God is never going to leave me. I thank Him because I am a conqueror of my circumstances, my fears and my old trust issues.

I have had the privilege to study-even though I have only had a mom who has supported me. I have had the privilege to study away from home. I have a car. I have amazing deep rooted friends. I am part of a dynamic and fun church. I have a family that has stuck by me even when it has taken sacrifice.

I am a conqueror through Christ who has been there every second along the way-even when I doubted and didn't trust him.

Friends trust the king cos He loves you.
Love,
SCG