Just the other day I bumped into a fine young lad who clearly had a crush ( to say it subtly) on me in my primary school years. I remember reading at the end of his love letters:
"p.s I love you
p.ss I love you so much
p.sss I love you so so much
p.ssss I love you so so so much
p.sssss I love you so so so so much "
and on it went.
After reading a few articles about 'Friends with benefits' and being in the 'friendzone', it spurred me onto thinking about my very own love life, or lack thereof. Whilst reading these articles I realised this age old phenomenon of 'love being blind'. I think at some stage we have all fallen into the trap of being unrealistic of how someone is treating you and the way in which you want to be treated.
Back in primary school I was completely blinded to the fine young lad who wrote me these long love letters that had creatively been drenched in high lighter to the point of them being soggy and fragile. While I'm sure we've all had someone in love with us and not reciprocating those feelings, I'm sure we have all also been in love with someone who in return didn't notice us. We are completely dumbfounded that this person hasn't noticed us because they are so highlighted to us. All I have to say is that love is blind. Sometimes we are blinded to see only the good and not ever really deal with character flaws.
I say relationships should be open and honest, even if it is not a pretty picture. The relationships that stay are really the ones that are deep friendships and the one's that don't, not so much. This leads me to my 'not so pretty' confession: I find it very difficult to accept genuine interest in my life from the male species. I would say that is partly because of my lack of self esteem. In the past I would feel too bad to put a guy out by 'making him work' and 'letting him pursue'. I also think this mind frame stems from my upbringing. My mom has been the constant provider, hard worker, giver of time and love and so I find it rather difficult to imagine a man in my house full time (one day) loving, working, giving, blessing and doing his thing (what ever it is that men do). Sometimes we can be so blinded to what we have seen day in and day out to forget to maybe question 'why it is the way that it is?' and maybe even wonder to ourselves 'is this how I want it to be in my home one day?'.
These are just a few of my thoughts. Not final but my thoughts this far. Oh and just before I go I would say that God has done an amazing work in my heart this year in establishing my worth and "heck yeah, let the men work for me!". He has just illuminated to me my worth in Him, how very much I mean to Him, how much more He loves me than I realise and How my heart is so much more valuable than money or the buzz of being efficient and fast moving. He has stilled me just to tell me "you are mine, I'm not letting you go! You are safe with me. I want to love on you and I have your best interests at heart". So yes! to all those guys out there who fancy me! work it!You aint getting me cheaply! ;) and I want a page full of "I love you so much"'s.
Much love,
Sarah
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