the pursuit of happiness...

How far has someone gone for you? 

In my lifetime ( and it really hasn't been long ) I have had random guys try to woo me (publically and privately), I've had guys inconvenience themselves for me, write long letters to me, beg for my time, travel great distances, pay large amounts of money to spend a few days in my presence and I have been bought expensive gifts. I have known what it is to be pursued.  

2013 will be known as the year that I had to pursue happiness like it my very last breathe depended on it.  Being unemployed or not enjoying a current job can challenge one on every level.  Constantly applying for jobs with no response (or some but nothing satisfactory) can be debilitating.  It has the potential to break one's spirit and morale.  It is been a year where I have been rejected (career wise) more than I ever dreamed of.  I have met with people in my field, approached businesses (large and small), handed out my CV, applied online countless times (in various cities), responded to newspaper vacancies, I'm on recruitment agencies lists, have numerous people looking for me and its been 

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO 

and closed door after closed door.  

I've known what it is like to be pursued and I have also known what it is like to be rejected time and time again.  Confession: this year I have thought about suicide more than I have possibly EVER thought about it in one lump sum of time.  Never actually planned to attempt it but thought about it more than before.  Rejection hurts.  Continual rejection even more.  Okay before this all gets too emo I also want to say that it has been an incredible year of pursuing inward happiness.  I must also say that I would never have been able to have come this far without my King and lover, Jesus.  He has helped me stay on track, done some inward healing and encouraging.  He has been incredible through it all and I want to give Him praise and glory for keeping me going this far.  He is far gentler on me than I am on myself.  He has pursued me more than anyone ever will and anyone ever can.  

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I can't say whats the answer to it all is but I can say that He is.  He will give peace when it is lacking.  He gives hope when the fire is going out.  He loves when we are unlovely.  He encourages when there is no encouragement left in me.  He is the one who stands when everyone runs out the back door.  He locks me into His house and throws away the key.  

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I haven't found a job

I haven't found someone who loves me as I do them

I haven't reached my dreams

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but I have found that my job is to love and be loved.  

My love is in Him 

and He is still leading me into my dreams. 

***

I have hope.  

and I hope you do too!

What ever season you are in, Rejoice in the Lord and rejoice again! 

Love,
Sarah